Thought #4

A lot of times I encounter people debating the existence of God. However, I think that a more important debate as far as the potential impact it could have on people's lives is whether or not there is an afterlife. Because even if you believe in God, if there is no heaven to hope for or hell to fear, belief becomes trivial compared to whether your actions are bringing this world closer to the former or the latter of the two.

Mexico #10

So this is my last week here. I got a little sick this past weekend, but feeling better now. Dia de los muertos was sweet, celebrated on a tiny island in the middle of a lake, met some amazing people (including a Mexican band on the roof of our hotel, who we ended up hanging out with all night, singing CCR), and experienced some amazing Mexican culture.

For some reason I haven't felt like taking the time to update this blog, I think partly because I've been trying to do as much as I can in my last few days here, but also because I feel like whatever I write here falls so short of what I've actually been experiencing that I just couldn't find the motivation to write it down. Suffice it to say, I've found a certain peace while living here, and I am not the same person that arrived two months ago. Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me, taking the time to read what I put here, praying for me, and wishing me well here in Mexico. I love you all, and I'm excited to share my experiences with you in person, and learn whats been happening in your lives these past 2 months. The world I hope for is often at odds with the world I see, but the relationships I've been lucky enough to form with the people in my life are consistently an exception. Again, thank you.

As a reward for all (5) of you who were interested enough to read my silly blog posts, here is a picture of some cows I met. I know, its too much, but what can I say, I'm grateful.

Mexico #9

So it seems like my time here has fallen into a pattern of work during the week, and adventures on the weekend, which I guess is good. This past weekend brought me to La Malinche, a mountain to the east. I went with 2 other Americans, a Brit, and a German who spoke english, and it was one of my favorite trips so far. One of the American guys had a connection in Huamantla (the town next to the mountain) and so he set us up with amazing accommodations for the night in an old Mexican hacienda. Apparently this place had been abandoned and then converted into a hotel (although they kept it very minimalistic). The place was perfectly secluded which gave me some of the first moments of true silence since I've arrived here, and was complete with expansive courtyards, towers with parapets, and an old church.

Me and two of the guys decided it would be worth it to get up early to watch the sunrise from the roof of the church, and it was incredible. I think that was the first actual sunrise I've seen in way too long, and I had forgotten how beautiful it was. To make it better, it was the night of a full moon (one of the brightest I've ever seen) and it was still hanging in the sky when the sun came up. It was like watching a painting come to life as color slowly spilled across the landscape, onto the rooftop, and up the neighboring mountain. I can't really describe it, but here's some pictures of what I saw (which don't do it justice):






That mountain in the bottom picture is Malinche, all 4445 meters of it (which puts it just a little bit taller then Mt. Whitney, the highest point in the 48 states). After breakfast, the 5 of us piled in a cab, rode 30 minutes to the trail head (~2000 meters) and proceeded to climb it. It was amazing getting out into nature again, and even better to have a physical challenge ahead of me. Long story short, we made it to the top in 4 hours exactly and it was an uphill climb the entire way. After we passed the tree line the dirt became loose, the air became thin, and every step became a struggle, but it was definitely worth it. From the top is a gorgeous 360 degree view complete with 3 volcanoes on the horizon. It was there that I also enjoyed the best mango of my entire life. Pictures of course were taken:





The hike down was also pretty fun, as I couldn't pass up a chance to do some shale sliding. I ran/slide/skated down the slippery section and it was actually kind of similar to skiing, but with more dust and danger. Much easier then climbing up as well, and I made it back to the treeline in about 20 minutes. Needless to say, I thought I was pretty cool. Now its the work week, which has its bonuses as one of my patients brought me tamales and coffee today! Best feedback I've gotten so far :). I had to reschedule some other patients so I don't have tomorrow off like I did last week, but I might still go visit the center of the city in the afternoon (it would be weird if I went my whole stay without seeing it at least once). Okay, I'm hungry, I think I'll end this post here (and apparently I have a love affair with parentheses today).

Mexico #8 (more pictures)

Here are some more pictures of my vida mexicana.

This is Toby, my pet grasshopper...

I ate him and all of his friends on a tortilla...

in my apartment.

This is the bosque de Chapultapec, sort of like Central Park for Mexico City.

This is the view from the nap I took there.

This is Brutus and me hanging out in Coroneo.

Some art I thought was cool at the Museo de Antropologia.

A big golden angel I saw on my walk to the museum.

Mexico #7

Whats that, its story time! Awesome!

So last weekend I took a trip back to Queretaro to get out of the city for awhile and hang out with an English speaking friend I met on my first trip. My first solo trip in Mexico, but I wasn't nervous, I mean, what could go wrong? Well apparently missing my stop and going to the wrong city was one thing that could go wrong. And while the first part of this did indeed happen, fortunately I was spared the second. My friend (who I will henceforth refer to as Arianne, since thats her name) called me while I was on the bus to ask where I was, so I asked a fellow passenger and he told me, "Queretaro". Great, I thought, I'm almost there. So then we stop at this little dinky market and a bunch of people start getting on. "This can't be my stop," I thought, "since Arianne told me I'd stop at a big bus station in downtown." Well whether we did or didn't stop there before, I don't know, but I honestly don't remember stopping there, so I'm pretty sure the bus driver just forgot that he had a passenger going to Queretaro. Confident that it wasn't my stop (which it wasn't) I stayed on the bus. But as we pull away I notice we are leaving the city... Queretaro... where I wanted to go. I'm confused, so I ask again, where are we going? San Miguel? That small tourist town an hour north of Queretaro? Uh oh. So I run to the front of the bus and tell the driver to stop, I figure wherever we are is better then ending up in San Miguel. Well where we were was about a kilometer outside of town, which made for a pretty relaxing walk back to the bus station. I called Arianne to tell her that I had no idea where I was, but I was on the side of the road somewhere, and for some reason she got really nervous. So I told her to relax, eventually made it back to the market, and had a guy call her to tell her how to get to where I was. 20 minutes later, everything is fine, although apparently that market district is notoriously dangerous (however I found the people to be quite friendly).

The rest of the trip went great, really relaxing and fun. Also, her brother has a 10 month old pit-bull named Brutus and we are best friends now. On Saturday we went to a big lunch her mom had organized with old high-school friends and their kids. I got to practice my Spanish a lot that day, but the whole group was really fun, and I even won some flower pots in a game (and came in second place in a "best legs" contest). The return trip was much more uneventful, but I got to watch Transformers 2 in Spanish on the bus ride back. I think I was only able to enjoy it because I couldn't really understand what they were saying half the time. And that was my weekend!

Then this week I finally got to revaluate my first round of patients. The results were way better then I expected. We evaluated them using the "Fugl-Myer" scale, which is a standard clinical test of arm mobility on a scale of 0-66. The scores of my patients changed from 31 -> 41, 20 -> 36, and 15 -> 26. My control group had 2 people go down (4 points and 1 point) and one person go up 4 points. Typically a change of ~5 is considered good, but I had one patient increase 16 points! Pumped. Lets see how the next round goes!

Now for this weekend, well, last night I went out to a bar with a bunch of couchsurfers, which was awesome, and subsequently got invited to go to a Lucha Libre match tonight! Thats Mexican wrestling if you don't know, with the masks and shouting and craziness. So I'm really excited about that. Then another guy offered to help me with my Spanish so were meeting up to review tomorrow. Then on Sunday I'm going to a soccer game (Pumas, local team in the top league). Other then that, no big plans, although I got to play soccer for a bit today too. Except now I'm sweaty and gross and theres no hot water in my room. Stupid shower.

Mexico #6

Well its been awhile, but for the past two weeks, things have basically been on autopilot with my study. But this is the last week of exercise for the first group, so by this time next week I’ll have my first solid data (standard clinical measurements) on whether or not the device is actually doing anything! Although all 3 of my patients have shown improvement in the quantitative test I created and they all claim that their arms feel better after treatment, so I’m hopeful.

In other news, I went to the visit the pyramids at Teotihuacan this past weekend. It was awesome, got to climb to the top of them, beautiful view with strong winds whipping around us. Me gusto. I also found out there is a large forest/national park right by the institute, so I went to check that out last week. It was refreshing to get back into nature for a little bit after being surrounded by all the craziness of the city.

So now to go in a different direction then normal, in the few weeks I’ve been here, I’ve gotten a chance to talk to a lot of different Mexicans about their views of the United States. Naturally I didn’t expect many of them to be fond of the US (our reputation is often less then stellar abroad), but I was actually kind of surprised at how many different opinions I encountered. Although in retrospect I guess I shouldn’t be, since there are just as many different opinions of Mexico in the States.

The first opinion I encountered was not a good one. My friend did not like the idea of so many of his country-men leaving to work in the US. He recognized that there were more jobs available there for the poor in the north of the country, but he felt like the US often discriminated against Mexicans and didn’t think having to live in that kind of environment was worth the financial benefits. His words were, why would he want to move to a country to work where he would be at an immediate disadvantage because of the color of his skin. He also recognized the years of bad history between our two countries, and desired an improvement in our relationships, even if that meant letting go of many wrongs he felt were committed against his people during the early development of our countries (see Texas, California, etc…). He also thought the new law in Arizona was garbage, and I have to say I agree.

Later, I met a guy who had lived in Chicago for 42 years and was now back visiting Mexico during his retirement. He worked in maintenance in an office building there, and had worked his way up to make a decent living. He told me that he raised his kids in the States, and for them that was their home, his son even served in the Army. However, they also had roots in Mexico, and his son had made strong friends down here during vacations. For the dad, Mexico would always be home, but he appreciated what the US had to offer and was glad his family was making a life there.

After that I was talking to one of the doctors at the clinic, and he told me that a large number of graduates from his school left to work in the United States. For him, it wasn’t worth leaving home (plus it is very difficult to get a work visa, even for a doctor), but he understood why they did it, especially since the economy in Mexico was rocky at the time. Like another friend told me, when the US gets a sore throat, Mexico get bronchitis (referring to the economy). He went on to tell me that most of them left with the intention of working for awhile to make a little more money, save up and pay off debts, and then coming back to Mexico. And while this often happened, many of them ended up choosing to stay in the States after getting comfortable at their jobs and establishing roots there.

The fourth opinion I encountered I didn’t really expect. I went out to a night-club this past weekend with a group of students who were part of the wealthier crowd. I was talking to one guy, and he started using a little bit of English, so I asked him if he’d ever been to the States. So he pulls a ticket stub out of his pocket showing a recent flight from Mexico City to San Francisco, and went on to tell me he took a weekend trip up there a few weeks ago. So I asked if he had any family up there, but he told me that the entire purpose of his trip was to go shopping, because, apparently, Hollister, Armani, etc... are difficult to find in Mexico. Nice.

Now to insert my own little political opinion, which is actually something I hate doing, I’m beginning to think more and more that we should open up the borders between the US and Mexico. If they want to come and work, I say let them do it, and legally. Want to cut down on illegal immigrants? Make them legal. Most of them are just trying to find a better life for themselves or their family, which is kind of the point of the Unites States, no? Also, by improving our relationship with Mexico, there could be less of an “us vs. them” mentality, since I know many people think that they come to the States to work, but don’t really want to be one of us. My experience forces me to disagree. Furthermore, we are neighbors. While many of them see problems with policies or groups of thought in the US, everyone here has been incredibly welcoming of me and knows that there are many Americans that they could consider friends. And I think it would be great to cultivate this kind of relationship with our neighbors and to encourage the sharing of cultures which is already taking place. In fact, I’m not sure why Spanish isn’t taught more rigorously in schools (learning other languages is common practice in many other parts of the world). I think too often we accept the way things are as the way things should be. And thats pretty much my main point.

Mexico #5 (pictures)

Me at Teotihuacan, from the top of the Piramide de la Luna.



Arbol de Pajaros... The bird tree in the reservoir at Coroneo.



The church at Coroneo (where I vacationed during independence day)



My arm exerciser attached to the chair!

Mexico #4

Scotch, Story of the Year, and the internet... I honestly couldn't be happier.

I got a little lonely today, so I went on CouchSurfing.org and messaged a couple people I found that spoke English to see if they wanted to meet up for a drink or something. Its exhausting always having to talk to everyone in Spanish, so I don't fault myself for looking for a few English speaking friends, just to mix it up a little.

I got another lesson in salsa dancing this weekend. I went to a costume party, where the theme was "mexico". At first I thought this was kinda odd, but it would be like having a party in the US where people dress up like Abe Lincoln... or Britney Spears. Never thought there would be a reason to group those two together, but there you go. It was funny to see Mexican people dress up like, well, stereotypical Mexican people. One guy had this HUGE fake mustache complete with cowboy hat and full getup. They decked me out out in the mustache and wig at one point so I would fit in a little more. But originally I went dressed up as a generic Mexican soccer player. I was going to go with a name/number, but the custom jersey was more expensive. I actually really like the jersey I bought, so double bonus.

Also Mexicans know how to party. It wasn't outta control crazy or anything, but they just don't stop. We got there around 10, and we were pretty much drinking and dancing until we left at 4 am... and we were the first ones to leave... and everybody thought it was weird we were leaving so early! And they had this huge sound system set up in a tiny little house and literally everybody was an awesome dancer... I've never felt so white haha. There was even this one guy who had to be at least 240 pounds and he was absolutely tearing it up. Then they put on some English songs for my sake (I taught them how to moon-walk to Billy Jean (yes apparently I know how to moonwalk)). I also learned how to do the Mexican aiaiaiiaaiia shout that they do (the "grito"). It took me about 20 times before I got it right, apparently the trick is "con aire y sentimiento": with air and feeling. They kept repeating this over and over like it would help me understand, but when I finally got it "right" all I did differently was do it for a really really long time. All the other times I would start laughing halfway through, and they told me I messed up. Not only was it fun to learn, but it also changed my opinion on the shout, which naturally I have heard many times in LA. For a long time, I thought it was annoying, but its not at all, its liberating! Nothing is as cathartic as screaming at the top of your lungs, and how awesome to live in a culture where thats encouraged! We could all do with a little grito in our lives.

And in the time it took to write this, I already got a response from a fellow couch surfer. If you ever want to meet really awesome people in a new area, check out that site. Actually, even if you just have a spare couch I would really recommend getting involved. Its a super easy way to spread hospitality and expand your horizons without ever leaving your home. Basically you can sign up and indicate that you are willing to host travelers in your city for however many nights you want. Good for the soul.

On a parting note, don't eat mac'n'cheese out of the yellow box. Its not the same.

Mexico #3

Back from my trip, and it was awesome. If you want to practice your Spanish, go on a 5 day trip with 9 Mexicans to a small town where your the only white person for at least 100 miles. Definitely a new experience. OK so quick recap, I ate a bunch of tacos, we basically lived off of them the whole trip, celebrated Mexican Independence Day (the Grito is awesome) and danced to some awesome authentic live Mexican music. It was awesome to see fireworks in a place without such strict rules as the US... they were directly above us, and half the fun of watching them was dodging the flaming balls of ash that were raining down on us.

Having said all that, its good to be back home. I finished my work early today and just locked myself in my room and played guitar for about 7 hours straight. Its cool, at times I feel really isolated here, so its kinda become both a relaxing sanctuary and a crazy adventure where everything is new at the same time.

Another bonus, some of the guys I went on the trip with play soccer every Tuesday! So that's where I'll be at 2pm tomorrow.

As to my study (the reason I'm here after all) I had my first day of testing today. I think it went well... its hard to gauge since I'm an engineer and have no experience in the medical world. I just put the pieces together to make the arm and programmed a little black box to measure the angle and play music. I have nothing to go off of to make me confident that it will help people with stroke... but the people that would know these things seem optimistic, so I guess there is that. Oh and if you have no idea what I'm working on, I'll see if I can post some pictures/video tomorrow... might not be able to post a person using the arm due to privacy concerns, but maybe I can demonstrate.

Peace

Mexico #2

A quick update...

I already have 4 stroke patients signed up to participate in my study. Its been going well so far.

Real gorditas are nothing like the ones Taco Bell makes. No surprise there.

Pacifico is better here too. Thought it would have been the same since its an import.

I've only been here 3 days and I'm already leaving on a trip for 5 tomorrow. But its ok cuz its a holiday.

I haven't yet drank the water. Decisions, decisions....

Mexico #1

I woke up, went to the airport, got on a plane, and flew to Mexico yesterday. In two months I will do the same, but my plane will be taking me back to the states. For the time in between, I am staying at the Instituto Nacional de Neurologia y Neurocirugia (INNN) in Mexico City to run a study on a new low-cost exercise device for stroke patients that I have had the chance to work on. Woo!

So before now, I've only been to two places in Mexico, a little border town called Mexicali and a tourist town called Puerto Penasco. Mexico City is much different. Flying in, my first impression was, this place is green! My second was that it was huge. I don't remember my third.

Anyway, I had a little trouble bringing the exercise device (a glorified arm support) through customs. Not because I couldn't speak Spanish well, but because they couldn't understand my English. Fortunately the director of the rehabilitation clinic at INNN was there waiting to pick me up, and he is fluent in English, so we worked things out pretty quickly with his help. Then he took me to my apartment at the institute, which is an awesome corner Suite that I'm pretty sure is supposed to house two people instead of one. My first hint was the two twin beds in the bedroom, which I've now pushed together to make an awesome queen (America!).

Then we went out to dinner with his wife at a nearby restaurant called Arroyo (which means stream, according to Dr Hernandez). We had chicharron (pig skin) with guacamole, tortillas con salsa, carnitas, barbacoa, cactus, cebollas (little grilled onions you eat with salt and lime) and some typical Mexican soups. Mine had avacado, cheese, chicken, and chipotle peppers, and it was most excellent. Plus horchata, which I have to say, is better in Mexico. Its a good thing I like spicy foods as well, because otherwise I'd be lame.

We were also lucky enough to have a table of very drunk people right next to us. In America, I know this is sometimes thought of as a bad thing, but in America, we don't have mariachis... well, we do, but most Americans of non-latino descent tend to not like them as much. I will admit, that I wasn't really a fan of mariachis before, and I have to say, they are not better in Mexico. But apparently the fact that they aren't that good is generally ignored due to the mutual drunkenness of both the players and the patrons. Its all in the fun of the meal, and really it just ends up being a good show for everyone around.

Then I went home and crashed for many hours. Today, I set up my apartment, got myself a Mexican phone (pero no voy a compartir mi numero contigo), and stocked up on some food. One of the OTs at the clinic showed me around the city, and at times it didn't feel all that different from Los Angeles, except I knew that I couldn't quickly retreat to the English speaking areas.

But now I'm going to relax for the rest of the night, since I start work on my project tomorrow. I'll probably go hang out in some dark alleys with an American flag and money hanging out of my pockets. Maybe go scope out some druggie hotspots. Who knows? Either way, one of the advantages of travelling is that whatever I do here automatically feels cooler simply because I'm doing it in another country. Nice.

42

Just like white dots on velvet skies
burn brightest when the crescent dies,
so with unsung sacrifice
passion provokes the chest to rise,
and fill the soul with silent air;
relieve this yoke of dust we bear;
replace the talons of the snare
with that which wings and hours share.

Accept this gift from blinded hands,
shrug off your skin of wounded sand.
When cries of birth come from the land
will we remember how to stand,
and see the hope in ocean spray
and guard the gates of words we say,
embrace our hearts when we're away,
burn off the poison of the fray?

Fear not the spoils of this fight,
the wound's reward lasts through the night
and hides the lies of sound and sight
to make them allies in the rite,
for eloquence can't be assumed
to quiet questions of the tomb,
yet if you let this power bloom
you'll find the lock to nature's doom.

The Ghost of Love

I wanted to write something... but couldn't really think of any words worth putting down, so here are some lyrics I wrote... or a poem if you'd rather. It's all just words in the end.


A stranger's bed in a stranger's house,
a stranger's tongue in a stranger's mouth.
Is the Devil or God the one to blame?
I'm gasping for air, but I forgot your name,
and our bodies make friends with the dark;
how much pride would it cost, to keep us apart?

Oh, I can be your ghost of love,
if you promise that you'll hold me up
as we drag each other down
and try to forget the sound
of the voice that is crying for something more;
a spark to ignite this fire we forced
'cuz its the curtain call,
and you can't stand tall on the floor.

Are you dead inside? Or just living your life?
Seizing every moment 'fore it passes you by,
Is the fire, or the fear your drive?
Do you know who you are, or is this just a disguise?
And why as I wait for your unsaid replies
am I transfixed by my reflection that I see in your eyes?

Oh, tonight I am the ghost of love,
and maybe for a moment I can hold you up
as we drag each other down

Well I don't know if I'm a man or a mouse
but my best laid plans brought me to a stranger's bed
in a stranger's house.
Well I don't know if I am cursed or saved
but no matter what I wish its not the devil or god
but me to blame.

Oh, I am the ghost of love
but only something solid can hold you up,
And I am the ghost of love.

Thought #3

What if everybody was honest with each other without fear of losing face? What if we shared our struggles and our flaws, as well as our successes and our gifts? What if at the end of our lives, we look back and see we were so focused on getting our reward that we failed to recognize that by the grace of the Divine it was waiting for us the whole time, we had but to let down our guard and seize it? What if we could already experience eternity everyday in every bond we make and every act of selfless service we perform for the World? Does it matter? Because the only thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt about this life is that at every moment, in everything we do, we are able to make a choice about how we want to live. And what if we all chose Love?

Thought #2

I have trouble believing that all man-kind is truly bound to fate, since we all have within us the power to change our state. But so often we get settled in a systematic way and let the comfort of routine be the one to plan our day. It seems foolish that we would waste even a second we are given, when at any moment we are free to alter how we're living. I mean, come on.

Thought #1

Everything that we build will one day fall away, so we should try to love as many people as we can, since that is the only way to truly give our lives any significance.

Guatemala #2, Lake Atitlan

After my first week in Guatemala, I have already noticed my spanish improving. But were I to master all the languages of the world, I would still lack the words to describe the beauty of Lake Atitlan. The shimmering blue water filled the basin as if the surrounding volcanoes had stretched their hands deep into the heart of the earth and scooped it up to give life to the land, and the serenity of the valley was so delicate that I felt at any moment the hills would spread their fingers and let that same water sink back into the depths. Above all this, clouds of every shape and size chased each other across an azul sky in harmony with the trees dancing in the wind along the shore. A symphony had come to life before my eyes, and I could do naught but stare.

As I sat there at the edge of the lake, I was reminded of all the times I had sat in similar fashion before the ocean. Those moments have always seemed to remind me of the shear vastness of the natural world around me. But this lake, nestled in the highlands of Guatemala amongst volcanoes that seemed to spring up from the flat fertile ground instantaneously into soaring peaks, evoked in me instead a sense of the powerful majesty of creation. I was a servant kneeling in awe before my king. Coming from a country where it often feels like everyone is in a race to conquer nature, I enjoyed this blunt reminder of the power of their foe.

Still, we humans are a determined lot, and I would only be telling half of the story if I failed to mention the bustling villages that had taken root where they could around the lake. My breif trip only allowed me the luxury of visiting one of them, so I wont make assumptions about the others, but Panajachel felt familiar the moment I stepped off of the bus. The colorful locals mingled seamlessely with the inevitable plethora of tourists that were drawn there, and this conglomorate of cultures immediately reminded me of many parts of Los Angeles where I grew up. Despite the obvious contrast with their natural surroundings, the ramshackle buildings of the village fit in with them surprisingly well. I could easily imagine that instead of being built they had simply grown in with the trees, a gift from the land to all those who worked its soil.

Unfortunately, for a place such as this, 1000 words are worth a mere drop of water in the deep, cool lake. Like all things beautiful, it must be felt, and could never be perfectly described. However, I felt compelled to try, and I hope I have been able to share even a small part of what I found at Lake Atitlan.

Guatemala #1

So I am in Guatemala! One difference I didn´t expect is that the keyboard for the computer is slightly different, but I´m still able to use it... obviously.

Arriving and getting to Xela ended up being much easier then I thought it would be. I was practically rushed through immigration and customs, and the cab driver had no problem understanding that I needed to get to the bus station. I met a fellow American at the station... saved him from spending $100 US on a taxi, and caught the next bus to Xela.

So far the spanish school has been amazing. My teacher´s name is Anabella and she is very patient with my poor spanish. I think she actually finds it funny. My host parents are awesome as well. They treat Jeena (my friend from Calvin) and I like a part of their family.

After school monday I went and did yoga with Jeena and Daniel, an Australian (there are currently 3 students out of 7 at our school named Daniel). Apparently I´m not flexible at all, but it was still really fun and I think we are going back today.

Yesterday the three of us and Sasha, an art student from Boston, climbed the mountain that looks over the city. It was an awesome view, and there was also a cement slide at the top that we went down on crushed plastic bottles. Some local kids showed us how to sit on them in order to go faster. Then we jogged back down the trail. I´m actually getting more exercise this trip then I have in a long time!

So much more to talk about, but thats it for this post. Hasta Luego!

Perfection

So today I was thinking about a lot of quotes I've heard about what a "perfect" world would be like. I'm not going to go look for any actual quotes, but there generally along the lines of, "there would be no hunger and no pain, and everybody would share the same ideals, etc, etc". Well ya that all sounds awesome, right? Sign me up. But then I thought about it some more and realized that I don't think I'd like that world all too much.

I guess for me, life is about contrast. Without hunger, there is no satisfaction after a meal. Without knowing what it feels like to be in pain, how can you really say if something feels good? We perceive things based on how they differ from other things, not in how they are the same. If I'm broke, and I find 100 dollars on the ground, then I'm excited. But if I'm a millionaire, well then its no big deal at all. So if we remove that condition of "being broke" in our image of a perfect world, then how do we ever experience that joy of discovering the 100 dollars?

I welcome a world with heartbreak and loss because its the existence of those things that allows me to appreciate the times when my life is full. Being able to grieve is part of what it means to be human, and true self sacrificial love can only exist if there is a possibility that sacrifice may be required. There has to be the risk of loss to be able to make the decision to love someone despite it.

Perhaps there is some way far outside of my understanding that light can exist without the presence of a darkness to shine in, but until this is revealed to me I will be thankful for even the blackest of nights, because without those times I'd never appreciate the beauty of a sunrise.

Dust

A speck of dust is fleeting,
It comes in focus, then is gone
Out of sight before it has a chance
To settle softly in my mind.
But human life is shorter,
When the stars are held in view
Shedding light in seas of blackness
Never mindful of me or you.
So who am I that you would hold me
Like a speck safe in your hand,
Or set me down, crowned with glory
To shed your light among man?
And does dust ever question
When I take pause to watch its flight,
If it’s worth is an illusion
Born of a hopeless, forgotten life?
Yet as I stare, with eyes of wonder,
Like a child with all fear stilled,
At the stars, the dust of heaven
Majesty, my life is filled.

Fake Album Review!

For this post, I decided to put on my critic's hat and take a whack at reviewing a new album.

Just to be clear, the band's name is Fake, and the name of the album is "Fake As Well". I know it can get confusing, so bear with me. Its the first Fake release this year on the new up-and-coming label That Doesn't Exist. The Fake fan base has had an extreme reaction to the different direction they went with the music, and this has lead to very little real feedback for the band. I hope to correct this here.

When I first listened to the album, which is "Fake As Well", remember, I was struck with how weak the opening track was. In fact, it had such a small impact on me that it could have been removed entirely and the album wouldn't have sounded any different. It just felt like the band was completely absent when they were writing it. Fortunately they made up for the oversight with an impressive follow-up track, "Insert Girl's Name Here". The melodic layering of the dual lead guitars was like nothing I've ever heard, but what caught me the most was the way the vocal line hinted at themes in their earlier album, "I'm Making This Up". I can guarantee that this is something the band has never done before. Although I think it is worth noting that even though they were clearly experimenting with new ideas, I could definitely tell it was Fake.

This momentum tries to carry through the rest of the album, but it is broken up by the introspective ballad, "Whose Name Doesn't Matter". The last track, which if you are at all familiar with the band's albums, you probably could have guessed was "Fake As Well", closed off the album impressively, but due to the length of the album I doubt many people will ever actually listen to it.

The thing I was most disappointed with was the lack of creativity front man Notare Alname shows in his lyrics. Cliche lines like "Don't try and look for me, you know you won't find me", and "How much clearer can I say it for you to understand" pop up in the album time and time again, until it almost feels like he was just making them up on the spot. So even though there are a few bright spots in this album, they are the exception, not the rule. But don't get discouraged fans, this is Fake, and I am sure their best work is still to come.

On a side note, if you get a chance you should absolutely go see a live Fake performance. I promise you wont miss the money you spend on it.

Retaliation!

So apparently I live in a world where dares are still taken seriously, and so now I find myself starting a blog of my own in order to hold up my end of the bargain. In thinking of where to begin I realized there was nothing particularly new that I was equipped to blog about. My life experiences are fairly typical, and I am not particularly passionate about one topic. However, I have a dare to attend to! And so I will periodically jot down some thoughts on my topic du jour, fully confident that I will most likely be repeating the writers of the past (and predicting those of the future).

Unfortunately my adversary has the advantage of a book of prompts, and (even worse) goals! So I may be taking topic ideas from friends or perhaps divine inspiration. Time will tell the quality of this blog... at the very least I hope to have fun.